Being more intentional as a mother...

Monday, August 27, 2012

This picture cracks me up---Noah asleep in our bed...
and as you can see--- despite being sound asleep, 
he still has a firm grip on his kitty cat, Lola--not wanting to let her go.

This is kind of how I am feeling today....not wanting to let go of  
my dear son....let me explain.


As a mom, probably the quietest and most peaceful time for me is late at night when my little one and hubby have fallen fast asleep.  It is in these moments where I usually have some uninterrupted time to myself to reflect on my day. Last night, I was preparing little man's backpack, snacks and other essentials in preparation for his first day of school. 


Here we are this morning....he is now officially a kindergartner. Ouch!! That's still so hard for me to say.  

I gotta say, I am much more emotional about this new phase of his life than I ever thought I would be. After I walked him into his classroom, snapped a few pictures and then had to give him a good-bye hug, I literally held it together long enough to walk to my car, climb in, and shut door.  At that point I melted...the tears started to freely flow.  The crazy thing is that Noah has been in a preschool program for the past 2 years, so you would think this would be a piece of cake for me, but this year just feels so different.  We are transitioning into a new stage of his life by him going to kinder but he is also starting at a new school....everything about it just seems so big.  It's funny....since he had his "Meet the Teacher" night last Thursday and saw his new school for the first time....he has fondly been referring to it as "the big kid school". :-)  He said to me on several occasions over the weekend..."Mommy...I'm a big kid now, right?"  It's really precious how he says it with the biggest (and proudest) grin on his face.

But I must admit, there's something a little heartbreaking for me about him going into kindergarten this year.  I think it's partly because the realization for us as his parents that he is growing up so darn fast.  But also, he's our only child and therefore I think its harder---I don't have any other children at home with me during the day to fill the time so I feel such a void when my son isn't home with me. I just honestly wish sometimes that life would slow down a bit and that the hubby and I could have more quality time with him at this sweet and tender age. But that is just part of life and I need to accept it. :-)

It's not uncommon for me most evenings after I've put our little guy down for bed to then reflect back on all the little things we did together over the course of our day.  I inevitably begin to second guess something I said to him or maybe how I may have answered his questions. 

But the sad fact of life is, and we all know this as parents, there's no owner's manual provided for how to best raise our children.  Wouldn't that be wonderful if there were??!!  Instead, we have to thoughtfully and prayerfully navigate our way down the road of parenthood.  Stay close to the Lord and carefully read the scriptures searching for answers and guidance.  It can be pretty intimidating at times, that's for sure. 

I am definitely feeling a greater sense of responsibility at the age he's at now to teach him and raise him the way my Heavenly Father wants me to.  For these first 5 or so years of his life there's obviously been much teaching going on in our home....but it's been primarily a one way conversation more often than not.  But now as he is about to turn 6 years old and beginning to formulate his own thoughts and ideas---and definitely wanting to make some of his own decisions--I feel us gradually moving into the weightier matters of life.  I am realizing that now more than ever is the time to be more intentional in our teaching him Gospel standards that will hopefully lead him to greater happiness in this life and the life to come.  

And yet with each step we are taking, I am feeing "the world" trickling into our lives more than ever now that he is getting older.  There is no question that the adversary is working hard to teach our young ones so many evil and contradicting messages in the most creative ways. Messages that are confusing for small children and often differ from what we teach them in the walls of our home and at church.  This is where the great and often challenging task is for parents, to stay cognizant of who and what is teaching our children and to continually step in and help them navigate their way.

And so because of this, I am finding it a tad-bit scary to send our little guy off each morning for an 8-hour school day.  He'll essentially spend more time during his week with other people than with his family--and many of the people he will be around during the course of the day will more likely than not, have varying standards and values than those we are teaching him in our home.  This thought was weighing heavily on my heart last night as I tried to go to sleep.

I decided to pull up this spiritual message on my computer and re-read it---it's one of my favorite. I was hoping it would calm my nerves about his first day of kindergarten. This particular section of  Rosemary Wixom's talk really struck a chord in my heart as mother...
"The world will teach our children if we do not, and children are capable of learning all the world will teach them at a very young age. What we want them to know five years from now needs to be part of our conversation with them today. Teach them in every circumstance; let every dilemma, every consequence, every trial that they may face provide an opportunity to teach them how to hold on to gospel truths."

I was reminded after reading this that I must be more intentional in my conversations with my son.  I need to look more closely in our daily interactions for opportunities to not only teach him but to also carefully listen to him.  So often I make the mistake of doing more of the talking than actually listening to what he has to say.  I also felt after reading this that there is greater opportunity in the course of my day (despite how busy and hectic life may feel) to be more prayerful about helping him grow and develop the way Heavenly Father wants and needs him to.  Because there is no question....it takes greater work, time, faith and devotion in this day and age to raise our precious children.    

Just a few random thoughts I needed to write down to clear my head today....hopefully I didn't bore you or ramble too much. :-)

xo,
Jennifer

2 comments:

  1. Such a sweet post, and a good reminder to me that I need to be more intentional with our son. I need to pray more with him, and over him. I get so caught up in my day and chores and let stress affect me in such a negative way. I am sure that sending him to kindergarten was so emotional for you. I'm feeling that way already, and we have a year to go.
    :)

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    1. Thank you, Nicolle...I think it's very common for all of us mothers to feel what you described with the stress of being a mother. I struggle with that as well. It is a sacred calling to be a mother and so rewarding, but as you and I both know....the hardest job in the world. I'm really happy you stopped by the blog today. :-)

      blessings,
      jennifer

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