Growing strong in the broken places...

Tuesday, November 8, 2011


Source: mysoulsoup.com via Jennifer Mask on Pinterest

It's interesting to me how when life throws us a curve ball, we as human beings are immediately faced with a choice of how we are going to react.


We can fully embrace it,
accept it,
learn from it,
become more humble and reliant on the Savior, and
choose to move forward with deeper faith...

-or-

We can bottle it up,
cease progressing,
allow anger to fester in our hearts,
take our pain out on those around us,
lose our faith,
blame God, and
ultimately, become an embittered person.  


These past few weeks since receiving word that we were not selected to adopt the girls, I have been struggling with so many emotions.  Anger, sadness and feelings of failure are all emotions that the adversary has so eloquently thrown my way.  David O. McKay once commented that "the most important of life's battles is the one we fight daily in the silent chambers of the soul"...and how true this has been for me with my struggles with infertility and adoption.

I have a strong testimony that life doesn't just happen by chance.  I believe with all my heart that everything happens for a reason.  That there is a master plan for each of us that is divinely intertwined with the ability to exercise our free agency while here in mortality.  Yet, as many of you know, when we are thrown curve balls in life--our faith can at times feel as if it is being purged, stretched to its limit and tested like never before.  In essence, we may find ourselves being thrown into the refiner's fire completely against our will.  It is in these times we are asked to muster greater courage and a deeper faith in the Master Gardener of our lives, the Savior and our Father in Heaven.  Such is the case with our recent failed adoption....I am faced with the task of accepting God's will on this one and it's not coming as natural or as easy as I had hoped it would.

"As Christ followed the Father under any circumstance, we should follow His Son.  If we do so, it matters not what kind of persecution, suffering, grief we face.  We are not alone.  Christ will assist us.  His tender mercies will make us mighty under any circumstance."
-"Followers of Christ", Walter F. Gonzalez

As I so often do when struggling with a personal trial, I turn to the scriptures for answers and seek out uplifting literature.  I am reading this new book by Dallin H. Oaks and in it, there is one particular chapter entitled, "Adversity" that immediately caught my attention.  One thought in particular stood out to me as I read it and seemed to have relevance to the current emotions I have been battling....
"Adversity is an occasional or even constant companion for each of us throughout our lives.  We cannot avoid it.  It is a reality--and indeed one of the purposes of mortal life.  What is important is how we react to it."

While in the midst of our journeys, we may find ourselves in what feels to be "broken places" in our lives, and our real test in these moments is how we react to them.  It's simply a matter of choice.  I believe a loving Heavenly Father allows us to be broken so we can be challenged and converted to become something better.  And so it is, as I continue to pray for peace in our journey to adopt more children, I am trying my best to make the right choice...to choose to grow strong in this broken place in my heart.  To lean on the simple truths I have always known about the purpose of this mortal life.  And all the while, I am in return gaining a deeper understanding of the true significance of a testimony of Christ.  
"He that followeth me shall not walk in darkness, but shall have the light of life."
-John 8:12
XOXO...

Jennifer


5 comments:

  1. LOVE this and totally needed to hear this today!! Thanks for sharing friend!!!!

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  2. I couldn't imagine what you are going through. I love your post. It's so hard to just rely on God when we are going through that grieving process. Even though we know it in our head that He works all things for the good of those who love Him, but in our heart it's hard to believe it when we are going through a dark time. We are struggling because my husband lost his job and even though that isn't the same as a failed adoption...I can relate to your post. Thank you for sharing, I'll be praying that the right baby will be coming your way. Praise God for His amazing grace and mercy.

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  3. Jennifer, I have been thinking about you and so glad you shared this post to not only update us that are thinking of you, but to remind us of God's faithfulness.

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  4. beautiful post, jennifer! so glad you shared.
    praying continues for you, sweet friend! xo

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  5. This is beautiful and amazing. Thank you for your courage, your hard work, and your willingness to share. This week I have been reading posts from another friend who is choosing to seek for peace and healing in other paths, which appear to be steering her away from the gospel and away from the strength that her family so desperately needs. I have been heartbroken reading about this, and your post of strength through adversity was so comforting and strengthening to me! I know that it is so hard for you, and I know that you have weak moments amidst the strong (because we ALL DO!!!), but you know where to focus and to Whom to give your trials. Thank you for sharing your faith. Please know that my prayers continue to be with you and your family!

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