9.21.2011

Life, Goals and Adoption.



When the full realization began to settle into my heart six years ago that I most likely would never be able to bear children, I was forced to step back and reevaluate everything.   My marriage, my faith, my career, my priorities and so forth.  After seeing countless fertility doctors practically all over the state of Texas---Dallas, Austin, McAllen and Houston and spending thousands of dollars on several rounds of failed IUI and IVF fertility treatments, my husband and I decided to close this chapter of our life for good in 2006.  It had all taken a great toll on my body, our marriage and yes as you can probably imagine, our lovely bank account.  ;-)

Soon followed a great deal of prayer and contemplation, and then the decision to set new goals for our future. We changed our course and direction for growing our family. We finally both felt unified in our hearts that God wanted us to adopt...how many children, that we didn't know, we placed that in God's hands....but we both felt for sure that this was His plan for us.  As a result of this decision, I was forced to re-prioritize some of my goals.  Becoming a mother was in no way going to be as easy or come as quickly as I had always dreamed it would. It was going to require greater effort on my part to make this goal of ours come to fruition.  The birth and adoption of our beautiful son  was the greatest blessing of our lives---and continues to be.  I now look back and see how all of this has been a training ground for my soul.  My infertility has stretched my faith and spirit in ways that I never imagined and made me realize so much more about myself and what I am capable of in this life.  There is no question that God has been the master gardener in my life thus far.  Working and pruning my spirit--shaping and molding me through both the sweet and sad experiences He has allowed me to experience.

Last April, I heard an amazing spiritual message that you can read in its entirety here.  Since hearing this message, I printed it out, placed it in my journal and have re-read it many times since then...one story in particular that was shared in this message seemed to have great relevance to my life right now and it was this:
"God uses another form of chastening or correction to guide us to a future we do not or cannot now envision but which He knows is the better way for us.... Hugh B. Brown, provided a personal experience. He told of purchasing a rundown farm in Canada many years ago. As he went about cleaning up and repairing his property, he came across a currant bush that had grown over six feet (1.8 m) high and was yielding no berries, so he pruned it back drastically, leaving only small stumps. Then he saw a drop like a tear on the top of each of these little stumps, as if the currant bush were crying, and thought he heard it say:


“How could you do this to me? I was making such wonderful growth. … And now you have cut me down. Every plant in the garden will look down on me. … How could you do this to me? I thought you were the gardener here.”


President Brown replied, “Look, little currant bush, I am the gardener here, and I know what I want you to be. I didn’t intend you to be a fruit tree or a shade tree. I want you to be a currant bush, and someday, little currant bush, when you are laden with fruit, you are going to say, ‘Thank you, Mr. Gardener, for loving me enough to cut me down.’”
As we await to hear which families are selected to be interviewed for the two little sisters we are hoping to adopt, I find myself feeling like that little currant bush---being more pruned than ever.  Spiritually, emotionally and physically.  We know that a decision is going to be made by the adoption unit in just a matter of weeks and the waiting continues to be the hardest part for me.  Yet, I am continually reminded throughout this process--in the most gentle of ways-- that God's hand is in this adoption.  Now whether or not that means Jody and I will be selected as the girl's adoptive parents, that I don't know, but what I do know is that He has on several occasions these past 4 months (I'll share these in greater detail if we are selected as the girl's adoptive parents) confirmed for us in the most personal way that His hand is in this.  Whatever the end result may be with this adoption, how grateful I am for the tender mercies I have felt and for being reminded that all things in this life happen for a reason

XOXO...
Jennifer

4 comments:

  1. yes! oh, isn't it comforting to know that something greater is at work in us! i take strong comfort in that, love this verse:

    "We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair" 2corinthians 4:8

    thanks for this encouragement, today, jennifer!!
    and you know, i will share the end of that chapter too, it is blessing my socks off this morning! so glad you reminded me of this truth today, girl! happy thursday-make it great! xo

    2 corinthians 4:16-18
    "so we do not lose heart. though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. for this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. for the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal."

    ReplyDelete
  2. also, happy wednesday. because we don't need to go skipping days;)
    i think i need more coffee!

    xo

    ReplyDelete
  3. Wow, yet another post that has blown me away! Your family is beautiful, and you have such grace when it comes to the challenges God wants you to endure. Beautiful written, and we are praying for you and your family!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Wow Jen! You and Jody are such and inspiration. I too have felt like the little currant bush these past 17 months. I am just now beginning to see that maybe greater things are in store for me and my little family too. You are so right about things happening for a reason and I am so grateful that our Heavenly Father has a hand in all of it. It is hard to let go of my own will sometimes though, and trust in Him. Still working on that. Your courage, faith and strength are truly an example. My prayers are with ya'll. Love you girlfriend!
    Jordan Stratton

    ReplyDelete