Monday, July 19, 2010

An adoptive mom's journey.

 Family Portrait 2007 014
{Our first "official" family portrait, August 2007...3 months after our adoption finalization}

“However motherhood comes to you it’s a miracle."

– Valerie Harper

As an adoptive mama, you walk an uncertain path to becoming a mother. One that is often misunderstood by those around you. As you can imagine, you have very limited options for growing your family when you are struggling with infertility {particularly after all avenues of modern-medicine for producing a pregnancy have been exhausted} other than completing all the necessary and arduous paperwork with an adoption agency or going through the state foster care system. Additionally, in the mean time, you can always launch the ever so recommended blitz-creak "hoping to adopt again" advertising promotion with the hopes of finding your own birthmother, however, the whole "selling us approach" just feels really awkward and uncomfortable to me. But I'll save my thoughts on the adoption self-advertising for another day.

For an infertile-adoptive mama, you don't get to experience the normal and excited planning stage like one has with a nine-month planned pregnancy of purchasing baby gear from A-Z, setting up a nursery, going to monthly doctor appointments and calendaring for when your baby will come. In fact, you are discouraged to do these things so as to prevent loss and disappointment if an adoption doesn't pan out for you. Yes indeed, the feeling of helplessness that an adoptive mama may feel at times while in the process of trying to grow her family can be draining...physically, emotionally and spiritually. I am learning with Adoption #2 that if I am not careful, it is too easy to get caught up in the minutia of trying to find your baby and lose sight of the purpose for the journey. A journey that has allowed me to be stretched as a human being and daughter of God. A journey where I have been required to exercise greater faith by demonstrating my desire to put my will in compliance with Heavenly Father's.

While I do still carry around that little, bitty ounce of hope that we may get pregnant someday, I have fully embraced this path that God has chosen for us. Now with that said, do I still get frustrated that we can't get a baby in 9 months like most couples do when planning to grow their family with a planned pregnancy....most definitely, YES! Do I still have moments of anger, bitterness, questioning, and doubt--of course I do. I am human. However, I try my darnedest each and every day to make a conscious choice to not let infertility discourage me or allow me to feel any less loved by my Father in Heaven and my Savior. I know with every fiber in my body that I was chosen to be an adoptive mama a very long time ago. Way before I even came to this earth. It is part of Heavenly Father's plan for me and my family. I know with every ounce of my being that my son was meant to be our son from the very beginning. We were just allowed to go through a different route to find him...a route that afforded both his birth mom and me a chance to gain a deeper understanding of the tremendous depth of love that two mothers can share for the same child. A kind of love that one can only experience through the gift of adoption.

An adoptive mama must live day to day wondering where her baby will come will my baby find me? Will we be connected through our adoption agency, a local contact and/or friend? And quite possibly, maybe our next baby won't even be a baby. Maybe we are supposed to adopt an older child. I have felt in my heart for some time that we should keep our hearts open to other possibilities rather than solely waiting for a newborn son or daughter.

In the meantime, I continue to pray steadfastly every. single. day. that God will send more children our way. I lay in bed at the end of each day daydreaming...hoping and wondering if there is a birthmother somewhere out there at that very moment reading our adoption profile? And if so, I begin to worry and wonder if I said the right things in my adoption letter that will touch her heart and lead her to us? And of course, an ongoing worry I have is will this wait for our next son or daughter take 1 year, 2 years or longer? The thought of it taking two or more years is something that pains me to think about. Yet, herein lies this adoptive mama's wait upon the Lord.

I am reminded of a talk by Patricia Holland. She shares in this message about a time in her life when she was burdened with life's problems. So much in fact that the weight of life had taken its toll on her both physically and emotionally. She decided to travel to Jerusalem with her husband. And at one moment during her trip, she was overlooking the Sea of Galilee while reading in her scriptures from the tenth chapter of Luke. And during this respite, she had an impression of the heart and mind that overcame her....

"Our loving Father in Heaven seemed to be whispering to me, “You don’t have to worry over so many things. The one thing that is needful—the only thing that is truly needful—is to keep your eyes toward the sun—my Son.” Suddenly I had true peace. I knew that my life had always been in his hands—from the very beginning! The sea lying peacefully before my eyes had been tempest-tossed and dangerous—many, many times. All I needed to do was to renew my faith, and get a firm grasp on his hand—and together we could walk on the water."

As an adoptive mama, it is nice to be reminded that my life has always been in His hands. I know and trust that there is a special plan for me as a mother and that somewhere out there, there is another son or daughter or more waiting to come to our home.

{before watching video, make sure and scroll down to bottom of page and pause the music playing}

To you "mamas" out there who are hoping to adopt and/or are facing your own personal trial with infertility, I found this counsel so very comforting when I read it:

"I testify that when the Lord closes one important door in your life, He shows His continuing love and compassion by opening many other compensating doors through your exercise of faith."

- Elder Richard G. Scott


  1. I can understand what you're saying. I hope you'll have a new baby sometime soon. Be strong! Have faith! I decided to be picky on my second adoption and say I wanted a boy to even out the family and was told it could take longer. I didn't mind and am so grateful and feel the same way, that we absolutely got the children that were meant to be ours. There's still sadness, I do understand. You've got the right perspective, Jennifer!

  2. Thanks so much Kelly! It sounds as if you completely understand the sea of emotions I have felt. :-)


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